The Ultimate Pet Peeve

[warning: i’m being kinda bitchy, here.]

It takes mutual agreement for a social relationship to be ‘close’.

The fact that every so often, someone doesn’t understand that, is the most frustrating thing about interacting with otherwise tolerable people.

You cannot decide that we are now ‘close friends’ if I do not consider you as such. I’m sorry. It might not seem fair, but it definitely isn’t an insult.

Two very notable times in the last few years, someone has decided that they are a close friend of mine, and begun acting as such. By this I mean: randomly showing up places they know I am, and joining my party without asking if that’s okay; taking personal offence when not invited to events or gatherings; telling other people that we are very close friends, as a means of ingratiating themselves into my existing social connections, or; complaining when I don’t meet some minimum level of effort or availability that they have defined without consulting me.

Part of this is my fault. When out having fun (or drinking) I hug people, even when I don’t know them that well. In those situations, I also tend to use the word ‘love’ to describe really, really liking something, in the moment. (like pizza. or beer.)

But if I never call you, or text you, or try to see you one on one, or return your calls or texts, or say nice things to or about you, or introduce you to anyone as ‘my friend’, ever, I don’t think I’m misleading you.

I hate these situations, especially when it reaches the ‘but what did I DO? Why are you getting so distant all of a sudden?’ part. Because I was always distant. Seeing you at a few parties, in large crowds, and being nice / a happy drunk in your presence from time to time, does not make anyone best friends, or good friends, or even friends.

I’m not a person who hides positive feelings about people. If I genuinely like you, you will know. Because I will tell you. This is how I was raised, and it is one of my favourite things about how I live my life. 

Conversely, if I’m polite, and maybe even nice, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re coming to my birthday party.

That doesn’t mean we’re enemies. It means we’re acquaintances. So, I’ll see you on facebook.