What I learned in 2011.
I learned that when something doesn’t feel right, logic isn’t enough to override that instinctual, emotional reaction.
I learned that giving something a chance can not work out, and still be worth doing.
I learned that there is a massive, baffling separation between standing up for yourself, and letting your pride keep you from doing what you know will make you happy. If you’re making decisions based on nothing but your self-conception, what you think you-as-character should do, ignoring what you-as-human want and need, you’ll be miserable, but you’ll mistake it as an earned, chosen coldness. You’ll be wrong.
I learned that there are more important things than being wanted or needed, than wanting or needing.
I learned that balance isn’t about having enough work, or enough fun, in your life. Balance is about making time for everything, including quiet nights buried in a book, or days spent watching TV. Not everything needs to have a goal. Balance is letting yourself recharge, now and again, not just build up, and blow off, frustrations.
I learned that discipline requires proper motivation, and that when the vain use vanity as a motivation, it inevitably wanes.
I think, I THINK, I learned that I’d been confusing management with leadership, and being inspirational with being a leader.
I learned that second chances, freely given, mean more than second chances granted.
I learned that just because you can’t detect something, doesn’t mean it isn’t waiting for you to give a signal that you’re ready for it.
I learned that change needs to happen everywhere, or it will go nowhere. Inspiration may not need to come from the top, but it needs to be condoned and even championed there.
I learned that I can put off anything, even when I should know better.
I learned that most of the time, if I can’t come up with a good enough reason for things to continue as they are, it’s unlikely that someone else will provide one when asked.
I learned that not having a good enough reason to stay the same, doesn’t lead to anything changing; people prefer sameness, even when they’ve been shown it’s inferior to change.
I learned that one hour with one friend is better than two hours with five friends, which is better than five hours with fifty friends. Attention might scale, but interaction and intimacy don’t.
I learned that right and wrong often don’t factor in to being a good person, or a good friend.
I learned that I cannot predict everything, and every time I forget that fact, I will hurt myself, or others.
I learned that complacency devalues you, whether it be your own, or others merely assuming you will always be there.
I learned that there will never be enough of some people, some moments, some memories.
I learned that 27 isn’t the age at which the passing of time stops feeling as though it is accelerating, but I learn that every year, with every age.
I learned that the cost of doing anything in isolation, is other people assuming it is either simple, or impenetrable, usually whichever option benefits them the most at the time.
I learned that there are always people to love, people to trust, and people who love and trust me, if I remember to look.
I learned that it will never get boring, not really. When it gets boring, it usually means I’ve stopped looking.
