untitled fiction scrap.

That you make decisions is often as important as the decisions you make. Not in a zen way, more that we care as much about being the type of person that cares about something, as we do about the conclusions of that.

Having style, for example, matters more than what type of style you have. Owning a nice sweater means that you are both well dressed that day, and that you are the type of person who considers what to wear before putting it on or purchasing it.

I’m obsessed with the semiotics of decisions I make. This is one of the reasons I haven’t come to speak to you yet - I don’t know what to say, or how to say it, in pursuit of the desired response.

What do I want you to think? That I’m smart, or charming in a slightly guileless way, or that I’m better looking when animated than I am as the guy sitting three tables over, staring into something anyone else who looks like me would have read three or four years ago.

That got slightly off topic.

What I want is to create an impression that frees me from the need to deliver a good impression in my earliest actions. I want an entrance or an introduction that gives me a head start in your perceptions, so I’ve been mapping out conversation trees in the margins of a not-so-new Jonathan Safran Foer novel, looking for a statement that won’t lead to a negative response within the first three exchanges.

So far I’ve hit on two conclusions: my self-esteem issues may be impacting my interpretation of your potential responses, and; this is probably not how any good stories have started.