the Jon Crowley guide to flirting.
You only need to know three things about talking to the opposite sex.
- Branch outwards when it comes to topics. Don’t talk all about yourself. Also, don’t talk all about the other person, despite conventional wisdom. Talk about what each of you thinks, what you like, why you like it, etc. You don’t learn most of the stuff about someone that matters by asking direct questions about them. You pick up the nuances by extrapolating from each question to another one, and then to a wider understanding of how this person interacts with the world.
- Listen. Listen hard. Notice details, and branch out (see above) by asking questions about those details. Again, not details about the person - details about what they are saying.
- Practice recursion. As you branch out, and listen, take opportunities to loop back to earlier points in the conversation (not 30 seconds ago, but maybe 10 minutes ago) and reference things the other person has said. Your goal here is simple - A) make it clear that you are actually listening to, and thinking about, what this person is saying, and B) make sure you actually understand them by revisiting topics from different angles.
The fun thing here, is that this could alternately be titled ‘how to have a meaningful conversation’.
